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Urgh...

Posted by diseased_mango on 2007.09.08 at 10:07
Current Location: home
Current Mood: sickdisgusted
Current Music: Turn up the music ~ Robert Sanchez
I binged yesterday. It could have been avoided. My first mistake was having a hostess 100 calorie cake for breakfast. I figgured it would help reinforce the idea to those concerned that I'm still eating a lot of calories - but it just left me crazy hungry at school. So, on my break I went to the cafeteria and got cheerio's and milk, for a sum total of 380 calories and it wasn't even noon yet. Disgusting. I then return to class where we are discussing nutrition, special diets, and then proceed to learn how to propperly measure and weigh clients on eachother.

Then I went jeans shopping and even though I'm buying 6s and 7s, I still feel ashamed that it's not a 2 or a three, and I hated it. My best friend was with me though, so I sucked it up.

Then I went home and, in the halfhour before getting ready for work, consumed easily 2000 calories of crap. So I waitressed for six hours with a stomach full to tearing, and constantly sucked down water which hurt even more because the laxatives I took made me dehydrated.

Today, I'm back up to 131.5 and I'm sick to death of myself. So I'm cracking down. Today is a water and tea fast, and then I'm going back to a 400 calories per day restriction diet. I've also decided to go back to being a vegetarian, and am taking that one step further to a near vegan diet. I'll still eat breads and such with egg or milk in them...but no more eggs. No more cheese. No more milk.

I will be thin, damnit!

OH! I almost forgot. I'm not one for signs and destiny, but if this wasn't a message I don't know what it. Last night, this table of three came in and they were fucking huge. The one woman was five foot tall and about five foot wide, and they were dirty and surly, and just disgusting in general. After spending thirty some dollars on burgers, onion straws, and coke, they paid with a 100 dollar bill and then stiffed me. Fat bastards didn't even leave me a quarter.

I will not be them. Gods above, never will that be me.

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